moved in all things...

Friday Titan, Odessa, Emelie, and I went to Carthage and Nauvoo to see the pageant. What a great day it was! I was going to go with just my children and enjoy that special time with them, but I felt I needed to invite Emelie to go with us. I am so glad that I did, she has become such a great and amazing friend.

My little family with Joseph and Hyrum

Emelie and I with Joseph and Hyrum

Bullet holes in the door

I little rainbow to make our day

Some games of stick pull

Some arm wrestling

Purty sunset

Some pics of the pageant

The Beautiful Nauvoo Temple

The moon behind some clouds

I had such a great day. I love to laugh and have fun and joke about so many things. On days like this one it is hard not to feel the spirit of those that lived so long ago and the trials they had to face believing what they did. I can't even imagine how it must have been for them leaving their homes and the Temple to make the trek across the plains, losing loved ones all along the way. I know that the trials I have today are not easier then those of the pioneers, but the great faith the pioneers had gives me just a bit more faith to endure to the end.

The other night I was thinking about my past and the things I want for my future and these words came to me... The sun will rise even if behind the clouds. They give me comfort in the trials that I face, even when I can't see it there is always a reason to smile and be happy.

Love life and enjoy opportunities to learn and grow...

peace be unto thy soul...

I had one thing on my mind all day and it made me sad. I realized today that I lost more than I originally thought. Every now and then my mind returns to what could have been and those are my "hard" times, I do just fine otherwise. I have become like a sponge and soak up all that I can to help me get through and give me strength. In a talk that was given today something really struck me. We are told that we are not given anything and we do not have strength enough to handle (did I say that right? Well I know what I mean). The speaker then said that we sometimes ask why we have been given so much strength. I am at that point right now. I feel like things are being thrown at me left and right, I try to duck but they still hit me. At the same time I have learned to have faith in my Father in Heaven and know that these things are happening for a reason and I try and find a lesson in all things, and learn from it.

Something has come to mind and it gives me comfort.

My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; Thou art not yet as Job; if fierce winds become thine enemy; and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

I have said for quite some time now that I am thankful for all the trials that I have had. They surely have made me the woman that I am today. My faith has grown tremendously, I know what I want and what I have to do to get it. Along with faith my strength has also increased, I will not settle for anything less than what I want for my future and for my children.

I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father who loves me and wants the best for me, and I know that I am worth the best...

all things sugar...

Yesterday Titan, Odessa, and I put together a gingerbread barn.

See the excitement!

kneading the frosting

walls are up

roof is on

Odessa applying the white frosting

Titan applying the red frosting

before the candy

adding the candy

lots and lots of candy

part of the roof fell, but all done

having some frosting

open wide

Mmmmmm

so yummy

LIFE IS SWEET!

just what i needed...

I can't express in words what my time in Nauvoo has meant to me. It has been way too long since the last time I was "really" there and this time was extra special for me. I was there alone and stayed in the Anderson's place in Macomb and was alone there also. All this alone time, gave me the opportunity to think about my life and things that have happened and things I want for my future.

Let me start at the beginning of my time in Nauvoo. I went to the 10am session and while I was sitting in the chapel waiting for the session to start I had a vision come to my mind. It was so real, I felt like it could have really happened at any moment (even though I knew that it couldn't). It is something that I really want and I was so excited at just the thought of it. I know that someday it will happen and that day will be one of the happiest days for me. At the end of the session I sat and prayed for quite some time and then I just enjoyed the peace that I was feeling. Being able to leave the world outside once again. This first day I did work for 14 women, what an amazing feeling.

I drove to Macomb and I still had not eaten anything for the day so I took my things to the Anderson's place and went in search of something to eat. I ended up getting a 6" sub and then went to Hy-Vee to get some water and fruit. When I got back to the Anderson's this was the time I really had to think about things and life. With out a tv or computer to keep me entertained I did a lot of pondering and reading. It was a great evening for me. The prayer I said that night was one of gratitude and thanks, it was one full of emotion and I felt the love of my Heavenly Father so strongly.

The next morning I was back at the Temple for another session at 10am. While I was sitting the the chapel waiting I was reading in the Book of Mormon. It opened up to Ether chapter 12, so that is where I started to read. I got to verse 6 and had to stop and ponder.

Ether 12:6  And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.

It was the last part of that verse that made me ponder, "until after the trial of your faith". I was thinking about my past and how my faith surly has been tried. I struggled for sometime after the start of my divorce, it was hard for me to see why my loving Heavenly Father would allow this to happen. After time and other events that have happened I now see that it was the best thing for me and even for my children. At the end of this session I sat, prayed and once again enjoyed the peace.

Life really is good...

Carrie Underwood - Temporary Home

I was blessed to be able to drive my father's car up to Minnesota this week. My poor truck needs work and I was not sure that it would make the trip and dad kinda offered his car. I posted on fb about listening to country music while riding with my dad, but I am guessing that it must be the car and country music and not just riding with my dad. I got this Carrie Underwood CD for mother's day and listened to it a few times since then but I actually wanted to listen to it on my trip here. I love Carrie and her songs really touch some part of me, deep down inside. I could have picked any one of the songs, but this one really hits me. This is just my temporary home on my way to where i'm going. I just need to see that I am always on the correct path back to my home. These windows and rooms that I pass through don't need to bring me down or stop me in my path. I'm not afraid because I know this is my temporary home.

Little boy, 6 years old  
A little too used to bein' alone  
Another new mom and dad,another school  
Another house that'll never be home  
When people ask him how he likes this place  
He looks up and says with a smile upon his face  
 
"This is my Temporary Home  
It's not where I belong  
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through  
This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going  
I'm not afraid because I know this is my  
Temporary Home."  
 
Young mom on her own  
She needs a little help got nowhere to go  
She's lookin' for a job, lookin' for a way out  
Because a half-way house will never be a home  
At night she whispers to her baby girl  
Someday we'll find a place here in this world  
 
"This is our temporary home  
It's not where we belong  
Windows and rooms that we're passin' through  
This is just a stop, on the way to where we're going  
I'm not afraid because I know this is our  
Temporary Home."  
Old man, hospital bed  
The room is filled with people he loves  
And he whispers don't cry for me  
I'll see you all someday  
He looks up and says "I can see God's face"  
 
"This is my temporary Home  
It's not where I belong  
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through  
This was just a stop,on the way To where I'm going  
I'm not afraid because I know this was  
My temporary home."  
 
This is our temporary home 

i am just a girl...

I was thinking quite a bit about my life today while I was writing in my personal journal. I had some thoughts and so I wrote them down. I will share them with you, but I don't think that anything I write is poetic in any way, shape or form. These are just thoughts that I have and I write them down, but first here are some lyrics to a song:  
I'm just a girl. my apologies

What I've become is burdensome

I'm just a girl. lucky me

Twiddle-dum there's no comparison

I am just a girl

who wants to love

and feel love in return

I have joy in my life

and they call me "mom"

every choice I make

has to be good for them

I have them forever

I am just a girl

who wants to love

and feel love in return

I know I am not perfect

I have my flaws and

my past is spotted

He forgave me

why can't you

I am just a girl...

Forever by Ben Harper

I should be in bed, we are going to adventureland tomorrow and have to get up early. My mind doesn't want to sleep yet so here I sit posting my feelings for you to read...

I have loved this song for so long now and it still makes me cry :( This was the song that my ex-husband and I picked to be "our" song...WHAT A JOKE! Even though it started with him I still love this song. I have said and still believe, that I don't need a man to be a great woman, I just can't get this song out of my head tonight. Here are the lyrics, this is exactly how I feel...

Not talkin' bout a year
no not three or four

I don't want that kind of forever

in my life anymore

forever always seems

to be around when it begins

but forever never seems

to be around when it ends

so give me your forever

please your forever

not a day less will do

from you

People spend so much time

every single day

runnin' 'round all over town

givin' their forever away

but no not me

I won't let my forever roam

and now I hope I can find

my forever a home

so give me your forever

please you forever

not a day less will do

from you

Like a handless clock with numbers

an infinite of time

no not the forever found

only in the mind

forever always seems

to be around when things begin

but forever never seems

to be around when things end

so give me your forever

please your forever

not a day less will do

from you

Welcome To Mystery - Plain White T's (with lyrics)

This has become one of my favorite songs, it helps me get through...not that life is bad right now by any means. Life is good and I love this song. I can really just close my eyes and go to a place of my own creation to escape all the problems today. This songs makes me smile :)

returned a hundredfold...

I have been to Joshua Tree a few times and I have never seen this!!!! Next time I go my visit will not be complete until I see this. When ever I go to the beach I always have to find a heart shaped rock, I have a collection of them. I am not sure how I started that, but it is something I MUST do each time I go to the beach. I guess I just love heart shaped rocks.

I have started reading a book by Emily Freeman titled The Promise of Enough. It is a great book and tonight while I was reading I came to a couple of things that really struck a chord with me.

First...Emily is telling of something she has learned "Often it is only after I have taken time to remember God's greatness and His ability to work wonders in my life that I finally find the peace I am looking for." I am always looking for peace, weather it be because my children are continuously making noise or I am looking for inner peace...I always search for it.

Second...Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin explains, "The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." I have cried many tears over the last year, most of them over men...UGH! I am over one and getting over the other. This last one I thought was "the one", what an amazing man! With this promise that Elder Wirthlin reminds us of I am looking forward to my return a hundredfold, and to be that return for someone.

I am going to be very vague because not all that read this will understand and really I am the only one that needs to...I got something back last night that means so much to me. I have been without it for some time now and I was kinda lost without it. I have one more thing to do and then I can use this thing I got back. What a great day that is going to be for me...