chapters reopened...

chapter joe

I was a freshman in high school and was attracted to this boy in one of my classes. We were doing a "get to know you" activity and I was determined to be noticed by said boy :) So I went to as many class mates as I could and put my name next to "I like music". I worked! Joe and I started dating. I think I went to his house everyday after school forever.

Here is a list of memories:

sitting on his bed watching him play his drums, going with him to dye his mohawk, the all night bowling that really ended with me just spending the night at his house, buying my in line skates and breaking my tail bone, going out on the boat and jumping off the rocks, frisbee golf, late nights watching him play computer games (DOOM?), watching him play hockey, going ice skating with him and cutting his chin, the dance when he surprised me with a ring, there are many more fun times Joe and I had, but I don't need to share EVERYTHING. Just like all things, this relationship ended and I was heart broken so I moved out of state. (I will refer back to this later).

Joe and I sporadically saw each other throughout the years. It always seemed a bit weird though, until about a year ago. Joe sent out a generic facebook message inviting a bunch of people to his parents annual summer bash. Joe has always been a fungi so I decided I was going to go. I needed fun...I had just filed for divorce. I went and had a blast! By the end of the night it was Joe, his band members, his cousin, his mom, my children, and myself. We stayed up till 1 or 2am talking and reminiscing about old times. Joe and I had such a good time together that we saw each other again the next two nights!

I started spending more and more time with Joe, we went to races, lunch, dinner, and just hung out at each other's houses. Last year I was with Joe, B, and Odessa for Sprint car races on September 18th in to the 19th (my b-day) It was a great way to bring in my birthday :) Our time together has slowed way down, but Joe will be a part of my life from now on. He has helped my through some tough times and has given me a new perspective to look at things and situations. Along with having Joe back, I now have another great friend...Joe's wife. She is a beautiful and amazingly talented woman.





chapter t.j.

So back into chapter joe when I moved out of state... This takes me to Washington state where this chapter started. I met TJ at school when he heard me making plans to go out with another guy in study hall. TJ found me after school and told me not to go out with the other guy and that I should go out with him. So I did. We became inseparable, we did everything together. We got into all kinds of trouble together, but it was fun! We went to prom and had a blast. My first prom date :) I ended up getting pregnant...I was SCARED!! My mom by this time didn't' care for TJ and my dad was going to be so disappointed in me.

When I finally told my mom she suggested adoption. I thought she was CRAZY! This was my baby, a part of me, I would not even consider it. She gave me a book to read and then adoption started to look like the best option for both my baby and I. I moved back to Iowa and started the adoption process. I gave my worker a picture of TJ and I so he could find a couple that looked similar. He came back with three options for me and of the three I was able to pick the childless couple to bless with my baby. I don't need to go into details about everything, but I have had some contact with my son and his parents. I have received letters from his parents, copies of some stories he has written, and up to his first birthday I was able to get pictures of him. Every year on his birthday I am able to send him a letter and I do so, without fail, letting him know how much I love him. My handsome little man.

So the years have past and I have had no contact with TJ at all. I have thought about him often and wondered how he was. Well, to my surprise on May 27th I got a message from him on facebook! I just about had a heart attack when I saw his name. I was shocked and truth be told a bit scared. It had been 13 years since I talked to him and here he was...

I was very cautious in my correspondence with him at first, but after a bit of time I relaxed and now it's all good. TJ had been living all this time knowing nothing about his son, how hard that must have been. We have had late nights talking about our son and me answering questions that he has had for so many years. I don't think I can express in words what it means to have TJ back in my life. He is the father of my first child...he knows exactly what I went through with the adoption. How it feels to have other children and see the joy they are and to know that we both let that go with our son. We both have a part of our hearts out in the world somewhere.

TJ is married with three beautiful children. If and when his wife decides it would be ok to meet me I am going to go asap to see TJ again. When I go I am taking pictures I have of our son to show him. I want to be there when he sees his son for the first time and share the tears with him. Being a mother or father can not be expressed in words. To become a parents is the only way to know the joy and love that bringing another life into this world can bring.




my thoughts

Things didn't work out in these relationships in the past, but I have them both back in my life now. We have been able to let the past go and doing that the friendship we now have is priceless (to me anyway:). I love and treasure both of these men and feel so blessed to have them back. Much love!!